Fear. We loathe it but yet we sometimes embrace it. I chose to talk about fear as a way to usher in writing/blogging again.

Fear can paralyze us from doing our greatest deeds and committing our deepest passions in life. The world of the unknown can hold back the blessings that God desires to give. I say this because I know it.

I can’t give a concrete fact on why I started blogging, I just did. I read so many others blogs on a daily basis, I just though I’d give it a shot. And I did and wanted to quit more than once. Why? Fear, plain and simple. Fear of no one wanting to listen to what I had to say. Fear of my blog being overshadowed and unknown. Fear of failing at such a simple thing as blogging. A lot of thought into something so little huh?

It’s what fear and especially jealousy and envy can do. Today I heard envy is basically resenting what God has blessed someone else with. That right there shut me up. After I set up Kabuki Queen my enjoyment for reading other blogs slowly became competition in my head. I’d question why they had so many followers, or such a great design or good topics. I started to forget what God had begun in me and an outlet of enjoyment became, well, not enjoyable. I stayed away from KabQueen and reading other blogs because I didn’t feel up to par with mine and reading others would only magnify what I wasn’t doing or felt that I couldn't do. Also adding to the fact that I was sulking in my current situation of being jobless, school-less and living with my parents again, no friends or boyfriend around.

I let my circumstances shape my attitude. I know this makes me sound so ugly, bitter and juvenile. But I’ve had a turning point. I’m not gonna promise a new Kabuki Queen. I’m gonna promise to be honest at all times, to share what’s on my mind whether you agree or don’t and most of all let this blog be a reflection of me, embracing me and loving me in spite of any circumstances. No fear.

For the readers who know I follow their blogs and to future readers whose blogs I’ll discover and start to follow: I support you a 110%. You’re expressing who you are and I applaud and admire it! We are our own community of people who want to share thoughts, feelings and whatever else comes to mind; to me it’s a beautiful thing. No jealousy, no envy. Just love and support.

So hopefully you understand where I’m coming from, if not well I feel better that I got it all out and that’s what counts. Whether you’re at work, home, Starbucks or wherever raise your water, coffee, drink or even food to being you with NO FEAR!

P.S. Thank you to all who have supported Kabuki Queen with comments or even just reading, I appreciate it, truly.

I Just Keep Going

I'll explain the lack of updates. Three words:

Applying for Graduate School...yeah more like four.

I really haven't had much time for ANYTHING. My schedule goes like this. Monday through Friday:

-Workout 8-9am

-GRE Studying/Grad Apps 11am-6pm

-Eat/Catch-up on Wendy Williams 7-8pm

-Caking 8pm till I fall asleep

And Saturday mornings are dedicated to my GRE Prep class so that consumes most of the day.

Sunday is church and sleep that I didn't get over the week (I know, so unhealthy!)

UGH! This grad school application thing is no joke! But this is something I truly want so I'll work as hard as I can do get it.

But let me tell you the library I go to have some of the most interesting, peculiar people I've ever seen. It's great entertainment.

So I just wanted to update you guys and I'm working on new posts now...no like right now!

Smoocheese!

100th Post For Each Of You

Okay so the reason we didn't post all week was because we were trying to figure out something special for our 100th post. What did we come up with?



Thank you.

PastryJunkie

AGILES

Necole

Sherry

RoSi

Breakfast at Hillary’s

Ms. Danyelle

m-online08

TuLuAt

God Among Us!

Ms. Minnie

Reese

Kelly, Nina & Kiyyah

Little Miss Knobody

Down Low

Cecelia

Cerebrally_Orgasmic

A.r.v.y.

Retromusik

Jillian

Yayemarie

Miss Wilson

TRU IDENTITY

NaturallyYanTan

Miss.Fortune

Nikki.Kisses

K. Michel

S Jones

Melanie

Ja$mine Ra;chelle

Robert

(vixenchick)

Gregory Jones (miss you boo!)

K*Mack

Carmel Mimi

Cc.Denise

Lil’Diddy

Sunshyne

Juicy Carter

1824

Without you, we wouldn't of made it to 100 posts. We know it may not seem like a big deal for 100 posts, but to me us it's the world. We said we would do something (blogging) and we're doing it and we're thankful that each of you respond with such postivity that keeps this going.

Thanks again and promise more posts tonight!

WAKE UP!

I think it’s well known around these parts that I absolutely cannot stand Monday’s. I hope Monday’s die a slow death because that’s what they do to me! Every Monday morning I wake up to a beautiful sun shining in my room yes I thank God for life and the light he gives in my room but then can I enjoy it in peace? No, because I got this mechanical device that makes an annoying noise that makes me get up to turn it off. I don’t like it…not one bit.

So as I got up out of bed I told myself to wake up, not just to be alert to the new day that was ahead of me but to really WAKE UP!



Wake up to the fact that I was put on this earth for a reason.

Wake up to know that there are people truly in my corner that want to see me prosper.

Wake up to know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made by a God that I serve that blesses me every minute of everyday.

Wake up to the fact that I am beautiful, that I am fabulous and I don’t have to hold back for anyone.

Wake up to know that fear is not real and will not get in the way of my future goals.

Wake up to realize that anything is possible through God.

Wake up to know that some people are in my life just for a season and that it’s okay to let them go.

Wake up to know that I deserve the best.

Wake up to realize that I cannot and will not settle for less.

Yes this all came to me this morning. For awhile I have put people and their feelings before mine. So much that mine got lost in the process, but I’m taking it back…all of it. It’s time to focus just on me and what makes me happy and for most of all not to fear anything or anyone but God.

And with that…my Monday isn’t so bad after all.

Celebrity Twitter=Celebrity Soapbox

Okay pretty much by now everyone has a Twitter for the exception of a few of my friends who will never succumb to the fad. What’s making Twitter that much more interesting to us common folk is that we can follow the lives of our favorite celebrities to keep track of their day to day activities. Now with Twitter I’m all for celebrities or anyone promoting for albums etc.…hey you gotta get the info out somehow right? But what I don’t understand is why celebs are constantly using Twitter to start beef or give their ‘woe is me’ tale to stir up a few rumors. For instance, we all remember Tila Tequila, after the show (I couldn’t stand the show at all) I could have cared less about what she was up to. But she started this mess about her being preggers and Ray-J being the father…I was like for real? Who cares!! And don’t get me started on the mess Yung Joc was talking about with the whole Kat Williams and DMX drug soirée. But then I take a step back to look at the big picture. These people gotta keep their names out somehow…but do they have to be so annoying?

Every time I seem to check Twitter celebs are giving nothing but nonsense that makes me want to unfollow some of them. Hell, I’m not even on Twitter that much as is…but still feel free to follow me when I do remember to actually update (twitter.com/fab_E). I promise my updates won’t be lame. However I will give kudos to the celebs who always have positive updates and things that make you go hmmm…like Dawn from Danity Kane and Lauren London.

So for those of you who do have Twitters do you ever respond to your fav celebs? Honestly I haven’t I figure they really aren’t looking anyway but hey maybe if the fineness that is Trey Songz really gets my attention I may have to drop him a line.

SMH....

That's all I can say about this video clip. BET...I thought we we're trying to rise up as a people...you clearly keep bringing us down with coonery (yes I said coonery) like this. This gets all the side-eye action.

For Hip Hop News & Entertainment at DimeWars.Com

Tuesday Rants

It's only Tuesday!!


Ugh. I'm so ready for this week to be over. My weave is extra tight to the point where it pulls when I bend my head down...I just want relief! I still love my hair though. Overall life is good. I'm single again and it's sort of weird not having that person to talk to every night but I'm handling it pretty well...more me time...that's always a plus AND time to work on Kabuki Queen and you know thats good!


I don't have any real post for today, my boss came back to work and I'm playing catch up with her and had a job interview today (fingers crossed), so I've just been replying to responses and checking out everyone else's blogs.


Oh and we have 19 followers now! Ya'll really don't know how grateful I am! You all leave great comments too so keep them coming! Shout out to Nikki (Ms. Healthy Kisses) and K*Mack (Soliloquies of a Thespian) for the blog design referrals...I didn't know what I was going to do.And better believe I'm reading your blogs too...that's all I do at work! LOL.



That's all the rant I have for today...I'll try to post more tonight!

Rainy Days Go Away!

So so sorry for the lack of updates the past few days. I’ve been holding down the HR office while my supervisor has been out sick. Plus I’ve been spending most of my internet time on Black Hair Media. Have you checked it out? It’s awesome! I keep learning more and more about taking better care of my hair annnddd I got a new hairstyle! I weaved it back up again just simple sleek and straight but a lighter color, finally! You don’t know how bad I’ve wanted to have some type of color in my hair.

But once again I got a bad case of the Monday’s and it doesn’t help at all that the forecast in STL is nothing but rain…dark, gloomy rain.

What I wouldn’t give to be back in my bed. *Pondering taking a half sick day…..*

And lastly I must say that I enjoy reading each and every comment ya’ll leave it makes doing this so worth it….ya’ll are the f*@&in’ best!

No Sleep=Writer's Block

I'm seriously struggling this morning. With only a few hours of sleep I'm barely functioning at my desk with me continuing to nod-off. And with that I just can't seem to muster up a post except the one I'm writing now.

:Sigh:

Okay...I won't leave ya'll hanging today. So I will be back momentarily while I go hit up this coffee machine. It better work it's wonders.

Get It Together!

There are many times where I can really get beside myself and continue to complain and fuss about the things that aren’t going in my life and the things that I don’t have. I’ll even get caught up in my emotions of feeling sad, lonely etc. I’ll even pull the victim card once in awhile. But then I think….

Where does this get me?

Absolutely no where.

My mom always tells me when I start to have a bad attitude that I have a choice about how to feel. Either I can let it go and let God, or continue to hold on to my problems by myself because no one likes misery’s company. I know it’s sometimes hard to get through your emotions but sometimes you got to tell them to stop and start using your brain instead of your emotions to guide your decisions. And playing the victim role, I’m gonna be honest…I struggle with that. Every time I have a problem it’s not “woe is me”. I have to tell myself to literally “man-up” because some things are not worth the time and energy. You know the saying “a smile gets you further than a frown”? I’ve realized that it’s so true.

So don’t sweat the small stuff. If you have some issues going on, talk to the people you love…that’s why they are there. And if your feeling stressed and need some time alone check out Nikki’s Healthy Kisses for some Powerful Relaxation Techniques.

And most of all remember...


woo-sah! :)

A Serious Case of the Mondays

I can’t stand Mondays, especially after traveling for the weekend.


I will say that I had an awesome weekend in Chicago celebrating my friend’s 25th birthday. I did a little shopping A LOT of eating and a lot of drinking…can’t even front. Only thing that I came back to were trees falling from another bad storm that passed through…so bad that I saw a tree on top of a car...eek! No damage done to my house or car (thank God!)

But now that its time for a new week new posts! Of course they’ll be random as ever.

Lastly I want to say a huuuuuuuuugeeeeeeeeeeeeeee thanks and a heartfelt of gratitude because I had a surprise when I opened my blogger this morning…we have 14 followers!

I was so geeked I couldn’t stop smiling. To each 14 of you all and others that read the blog, you all keep me going, seriously. I was so close to shutting down this blog back in April. So you all get a round of applause, computer hugs and lots and lots more posts to come!

New Look..Yay? Nay?

So I definitely forgot to comment on the new title pic and color change...you like? Well I do, and yes that is a picture of Megan Good. It's a pic from her photoshoot with GIANT mag which I thought was pretty hott (no homo of course lol). So I just feel in love with the color, they way the pic looked and the pose. You know I always gotta switch up something whether it's hair or the blog.

And I read a great quote on Facebook this morning that I wanted to share:

"Fear less, pray more, talk less, do more"

Funny how just a few words can have powerful meaning.

When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong

My friend Robert over at his blog Robert's Rules of Order had a great post that his friend Chris did on Facebook Etiquette that I just had to share, cause I know you sometimes think the same thing!

FACEBOOK STATUS 101

Aight, Im about to go over some things that you should NOT do when making a status. I see waaayyy too many foolish statuses, stuff I shouldnt see, so if you wanna get a status like mine, you gotta pay attention..

RULE #1 - WTF
D0 N0+ wr1t3 y0ur [s t a t u s] <<>>. Th@t $hi+ i$ @NNOYiNG as ***H3LL*** & iT T@K3S {FOREVER} 2 r3ad...& iTS n0t 3V3N .:CUTE:. (that took dayum near 10 mins to do)

RULE #2 - SHORT STATUSES
Don't be lazy and write a short status. (CORNELIUS is tired...) WHAT THE F***??? thats a waste...at least try, thats pitiful...

RULE #3 - TOO MUCH INFO
ok now a status is a good way to let ppl know what ur doing at the time, but we dont need to know EVERYTHANG...EVERYTHANG???? EVERYTHANG. We dont need to know everything about ur personal life.
(SHONSHEKA just came back from the maury show and still dont know who my baby daddy is but we gon find that nicca...REAL TALK)
first of all, if ya say REAL TALK, i prolly wont trust ya....and we just dont need to know all that

RULE #4 - WAY TOO SERIOUS
Facebook is not a way to declare war on ur worst enemy...this is mostly girls, dudes dont really hold grudges like that
(TAMIA bustitbaby JENKINS is finna cut dat ho remekia if she fukk wit my nicca laron one mo giiinn...i wish i would see dat bytch again, ill judochop her azz in the fukkin ovary, try me ho...)
You really dont need to make your beef wit Remekia a public thing...handle that somwhere else, take that ignant shyt to myspace...

Once, I find some more, I will let you know...102 is on the way

TIPS
- You can always put some hip-hop lyric in there...thats always good. (CHRIS hits niccas in the head like vonage...

- KATT WILLIAMS...everything that comes out that dudes mouth is hilarious, you cant go wrong
(CHRIS is in tune wit his star fukkin player....)

FACEBOOK STATUS 102

prerequisite: FACEBOOK STATUS 101 (must have a grade of "C" or higher) and some of yall didnt pass, so dont read this one...u gotta go back and retake 101

"LOVEY DOVEY" STATUSES
oooo this is gon be awhile...
Aight, I see too much of this goin on. I'm not telling you to not love ur boyfriend or girlfriend, I'm not even tellin you not to say out loud that u love ur boyfriend or girlfriend...but dont LIE YOUR AZZ OFF
(TYLICKA believes that this man was sent by GOD just for me, i think about u every 13 seconds, i just cant get u off my mind, aint it good when GOD just send u the perfect man)
AWWW, that shyt makes me sick...i can see that if you 35, but u are NINETEEN years old, you are NOT about to marry that man, get over urself...(he must be puttin it DOWN)

HOLY STATUSES
Aight, church people stay wit me...its perfectly fine to have a status wit a bible verse in it, or saying how much u love the LORD and GOD and everything (i need to more, but im a horrible Christian)
but if you got a status like (LA'TRANSPANISHA is very blessed...GOD is good to me everyday)...dont let me catch u the next night in club continental, half naked, dry humpin every dude in arms-reach...WE ALREADY KNOW U DONT KNOW A DAYUM THING ABOUT JESUS...DONT FRONT

CURSING IN YOUR STATUS
Thats just not smart...a LOT of ppl look at facebook, more ppl than you realize
(LaDARIUS is the freshest motherfucker on the planet...yall aint got shit on me, i need to change my middle name to bitches, cuz i fuck so many bitches)
Uhhhh...ive heard some employers will look at a applicant's facebook before they hire them...and if you got a status like that...dont expect to get a call back (matta fact, i might have lost my job just by writin that shyt...i used a "Y")

"AINT NO GOOD MEN"
Yeh, im bout to go there...this is prolly the most popular status on facebook. Ive seen it all
(SHAUNTRISHA is tired fake niccas...are theyre any real niccas out there?)
(CHAPEL doesnt think i will ever find my MR RIGHT, ive looked everywhere, ive been to club continental, the furnace, volcano...i dont think it will happen)
(JAYSSEIKAH thinks that aint no good men out there)
ok, i wont stay on this too long...ima just give some advice, dont look for your future husband at continental, the furnace, volcano, legion field, bartow arena, bryant denny stadium, jordan-hare stadium...
try some new places...this may be a stretch for some of yall but try the LIBRARY, BOOKS-A-MILLION, THE CIVIL RIGHTS MUSEUM, CHURCH (not 6th Avenue hahaha)...find u a nicca that can READ, yall lookin for muscles and shyt, anybody can get big, but u cant go to the weight room and get rid of STUPID, theres no workout program for that...



Also, ummm u can get rid of the "is" on the little status bar, some ppl dont realize that yet...
(BECKY is I said its great to be a Briarwood Lion...)
theres no excuse for that...erase the "is"

FACEBOOK STATUS 201 is next...i think u gotta sign up for a lab with that one too tho, check back wit me...

FACEBOOK STATUS 201

this note was prolly more anticipated than Drake's debut album...(not for real), ok let's get it

PREREQUISITE: FACEBOOK STATUS 101 & FACEBOOK STATUS 102 (a grade of "C" or better)

Now, some of you cannot continue reading because you havent passed the other two classes. I $+i.l.l s33 t00 M@NY <<>> b3ing w*r*i*T*T*e*n [lik3 +hi$]. If I see another one like that...ima just call you out right on ur page, that shyt needs to stop...

1. TOO dayum LONG

Aight...so recently, Facebook allowed unlimited space for your status. But that does not mean, your status needs to be infinitely long. Im not surprised tho, thats just like niggas, give em an inch and they gon take a FOOT...

this is not a space for you to drop ur freestyle and try to get signed, and if ur name isnt Martin Bradley, you prolly cant flow no dayum way...not one nicca has ever been signed to a deal off a facebook freestyle. Also, we do not need to hear about how ur going to put it on ur boyfriend when u get off work...(that falls under the "TOO MUCH INFO" category which was discussed in 101, i believe...)

I'll admit I had a couple of long statuses myself but...im funny, so my shyt was very welcome haha

2. Underage & ALCOHOL

IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 21, PPPLLEEEASSSEEEEE dont write a status about how you got FREAKIN WASTED at that party last night. WTF do you wanna go to jail?? You couldnt wait for TI to get out, u had to go see him NOW???

(Becky Doolittle [Oak Mountain Junior High '14] was drunk off my ass last night in Tuscaloosa, i had like 5 shots of tequila, i think i hooked up wit Julio Jones, awesome")

First off, get off facebook and get that Plan B. I think i speak for all ALABAMA fans when i say, we dont need ur father chasing after Julio wit a shotgun tryna ruin Alabama's football season...
Second, WTH are you talkin about drinkin for out in the open...thats not cool

And, this is off-topic, a lil, but if you are ANY AGE, u should not be taking pictures of you with ANY KIND OF ALCOHOL, unless u applyin for a job at ABC Beverages, why the hell would u do that??? People look at this shyt, or so ive heard...(maybe thats not true at all, iono, somebody let me know)

3. Drake Lyrics

Lemme preface this one, by saying Drake is the hottest rapper out right now, and ima be the first one in line getting the album when it comes out...

now with that said, i should not surf around Facebook and see FIVE different ppl (true story) with the status "ITS OK, ITS OK, ITS OK, ITS OK, U CAN RUN AND TELL UR FRIENDS THAT IM ON, IM ON, IM ON, BEST BELIEVE I UNDERSTAND"

I mean...dat boy good, but DAYUM...i think its the cool thing now to like Drake, i see ppl who used to be writing Boosie and Plies lyrics on the status, now u puttin up DRAKE??? If you stupid enuff to like Boosie, aint no way in all of hell that you like Drake too...

As I see more problems with statuses, I will adress them...report them to me if you see them

Facebook 220???


now that yall read, there are no more excuses for unacceptable facebook statuses. if you cant follow the rules, i have mark zuckerberg's permission to remove you from the site. have a wonderful day :).

The CW Can Kick Rocks!

I’m heated!

The only and I mean the only decent black comedy/drama on TV now is cancelled.

The CW knows they’re some bitches, plain and simple.

First of the season finale of ‘The Game’ left us on the edge of our seats so now we can’t have an ending to our happily ever after Derwin and Melanie or see how much bitchassness Jason got in his system for leaving Kelly high and dry. Seriously CW??

Although maybe I shouldn’t be surprised, you saw what happened to ‘Girlfriends’. It’s just sad to see a great show be canned for shows like the NEW Melrose Place, isn’t 90210 enough? Now don’t get me wrong I do enjoy 90210 (when I actually watch it) and I’m starting to get hip to Gossip Girls but sorry CW, you’ve lost me. On top of that, they took away ‘Everybody Hates Chris’ which I enjoyed too! It just makes me realize that good black shows are becoming a mystery.

All I want to see is a mostly black cast in a drama, comedy whatever that’s NOT a reality show.

So what do you think KabQueens? Are black TV shows fading in the wind?

It looks about that way.


REST IN PEACE THE GAME

MELANIE AND DERWIN FOREVER!

Attending...Maybe Not

You know what really grinds my gears? Event invites on Facebook. It irks me to no end!

Ever check your Facebook and on your homepage it’ll say 6 New Messages, you’re like ‘oh snap, who sent me a message??’ come to look on your message page and it’s ALL party promotions. And even if you decline the event they STILL send messages. Shouldn’t there be something that automatically erases events and all messages once you decline?

Oh and please don’t invite me to an event when you’re clearly in a different state. Am I really going to fly out there, is it really that important to me? Hell no! Now I know it can be a struggle for promoters. I know they wanna get the word out, get people to come but really guys, do we need the 10 messages throughout the day of the event. Don’t send me a message saying such and such event in less than 4 hours. Yes I know that, I see my clock, tell me something I don’t know. All the info I need to know is on the event page, so don’t send me anything else unless you’re telling me the event is cancelled, nothing more, nothing less. And doesn’t it irk you when different people send the same invite? It’s just too much, too much.

I just wanted to get that one out, share any of my pain? Let me know!

I Told Ya'll I Would Do It

Changed the background pic again, I like it more this time, especially Grace Jones....you know she is truly a KabQueen doing what she wants, when she wants, however she wants to do it. Okay this will stay!

Eh?

So I put a pic of B for our title picture.


Like it?


I do, it's one of my favorite pictures of her anyway and it's just....hot. But don't be surprised if it changes again depending on my mood. I'm definitely figuring out ways to bump up our look so look for some more "umph" soon.


I'll have some random posts throughout the day but i'll start off with a HAPPY MONDAY!

Didn't see it coming...

Even if you're not a Grey's Anatomy fan, everyone knows the crew; and as much as you don't want to admit it, you were a little curious to find out what all the noise was about for this year's finale. For all of us that would rather jump out a building before missing GA, who saw that ending coming???? OMG, the commentator was definitely right when he said the finale would change the way you watch the show. So, of course I had heard rumors of TR and Katherine leaving the show, but not like this! I have to give mad props to Shonda Rhimes for making such good TV. I thoroughly enjoyed watching, even with two of my favorites exiting. You know it's a good show when it's still entertaining to watch after people you learned to love, leave. I have no idea what is in store for next season, but the finale has me anticipating the premiere!

PS And if you didn't previously love Derek and Meredith, the "post-it" marriage was definitely a deal sealer!

My 23 While I'm 23

On April 17th I turned 23. With that I decided that I wanted to make of list of things I wanted to accomplish while I was 23. Why I decided to do it now, who knows, but I wanted to give myself a challenge. So I thought I'd share my list with all of you, some are pretty rando but hey I'm a rando kinda girl!


My 23 While I’m 23


1. Throw a dinner party
2. Learn a new language
3. Travel to a city I’ve never been to
4. Get one last tattoo
5. Get a better score on the GRE
6. Write a novel or short story (just in case)
7. Give my mother a full makeover
8. Maintain a weight of 150
9. Wear a solid size 8
10. Hang out with my brother for one full day (because we barely even talk)
11. Play racket ball with my dad
12. Take a cooking class
13. See at least three concerts
14. Make it to 100 posts on my blog
15. Take a dance class
16. Take a vacation somewhere outside the US
17. Run in a marathon
18. Go to a strip-aerobics class
19. Go to an actual strip club
20. Give more than I receive
21. Move to a different city (or get out of St. Louis!)
22. Perform at a spoken word event
23. Become a DJ (seriously)


Got a list of your own? Do share!

Why Me?

So I'm not sure why all my creative juices are flowing at 11:00pm...I was supposed to be sleep an hour ago!

Ugh.


I so wanna make like three new post but I'll wait till the morn...until then night KabQueens!