Thursday, May 28, 2009

When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong

Thursday, May 28, 2009
My friend Robert over at his blog Robert's Rules of Order had a great post that his friend Chris did on Facebook Etiquette that I just had to share, cause I know you sometimes think the same thing!

FACEBOOK STATUS 101

Aight, Im about to go over some things that you should NOT do when making a status. I see waaayyy too many foolish statuses, stuff I shouldnt see, so if you wanna get a status like mine, you gotta pay attention..

RULE #1 - WTF
D0 N0+ wr1t3 y0ur [s t a t u s] <<>>. Th@t $hi+ i$ @NNOYiNG as ***H3LL*** & iT T@K3S {FOREVER} 2 r3ad...& iTS n0t 3V3N .:CUTE:. (that took dayum near 10 mins to do)

RULE #2 - SHORT STATUSES
Don't be lazy and write a short status. (CORNELIUS is tired...) WHAT THE F***??? thats a waste...at least try, thats pitiful...

RULE #3 - TOO MUCH INFO
ok now a status is a good way to let ppl know what ur doing at the time, but we dont need to know EVERYTHANG...EVERYTHANG???? EVERYTHANG. We dont need to know everything about ur personal life.
(SHONSHEKA just came back from the maury show and still dont know who my baby daddy is but we gon find that nicca...REAL TALK)
first of all, if ya say REAL TALK, i prolly wont trust ya....and we just dont need to know all that

RULE #4 - WAY TOO SERIOUS
Facebook is not a way to declare war on ur worst enemy...this is mostly girls, dudes dont really hold grudges like that
(TAMIA bustitbaby JENKINS is finna cut dat ho remekia if she fukk wit my nicca laron one mo giiinn...i wish i would see dat bytch again, ill judochop her azz in the fukkin ovary, try me ho...)
You really dont need to make your beef wit Remekia a public thing...handle that somwhere else, take that ignant shyt to myspace...

Once, I find some more, I will let you know...102 is on the way

TIPS
- You can always put some hip-hop lyric in there...thats always good. (CHRIS hits niccas in the head like vonage...

- KATT WILLIAMS...everything that comes out that dudes mouth is hilarious, you cant go wrong
(CHRIS is in tune wit his star fukkin player....)

FACEBOOK STATUS 102

prerequisite: FACEBOOK STATUS 101 (must have a grade of "C" or higher) and some of yall didnt pass, so dont read this one...u gotta go back and retake 101

"LOVEY DOVEY" STATUSES
oooo this is gon be awhile...
Aight, I see too much of this goin on. I'm not telling you to not love ur boyfriend or girlfriend, I'm not even tellin you not to say out loud that u love ur boyfriend or girlfriend...but dont LIE YOUR AZZ OFF
(TYLICKA believes that this man was sent by GOD just for me, i think about u every 13 seconds, i just cant get u off my mind, aint it good when GOD just send u the perfect man)
AWWW, that shyt makes me sick...i can see that if you 35, but u are NINETEEN years old, you are NOT about to marry that man, get over urself...(he must be puttin it DOWN)

HOLY STATUSES
Aight, church people stay wit me...its perfectly fine to have a status wit a bible verse in it, or saying how much u love the LORD and GOD and everything (i need to more, but im a horrible Christian)
but if you got a status like (LA'TRANSPANISHA is very blessed...GOD is good to me everyday)...dont let me catch u the next night in club continental, half naked, dry humpin every dude in arms-reach...WE ALREADY KNOW U DONT KNOW A DAYUM THING ABOUT JESUS...DONT FRONT

CURSING IN YOUR STATUS
Thats just not smart...a LOT of ppl look at facebook, more ppl than you realize
(LaDARIUS is the freshest motherfucker on the planet...yall aint got shit on me, i need to change my middle name to bitches, cuz i fuck so many bitches)
Uhhhh...ive heard some employers will look at a applicant's facebook before they hire them...and if you got a status like that...dont expect to get a call back (matta fact, i might have lost my job just by writin that shyt...i used a "Y")

"AINT NO GOOD MEN"
Yeh, im bout to go there...this is prolly the most popular status on facebook. Ive seen it all
(SHAUNTRISHA is tired fake niccas...are theyre any real niccas out there?)
(CHAPEL doesnt think i will ever find my MR RIGHT, ive looked everywhere, ive been to club continental, the furnace, volcano...i dont think it will happen)
(JAYSSEIKAH thinks that aint no good men out there)
ok, i wont stay on this too long...ima just give some advice, dont look for your future husband at continental, the furnace, volcano, legion field, bartow arena, bryant denny stadium, jordan-hare stadium...
try some new places...this may be a stretch for some of yall but try the LIBRARY, BOOKS-A-MILLION, THE CIVIL RIGHTS MUSEUM, CHURCH (not 6th Avenue hahaha)...find u a nicca that can READ, yall lookin for muscles and shyt, anybody can get big, but u cant go to the weight room and get rid of STUPID, theres no workout program for that...



Also, ummm u can get rid of the "is" on the little status bar, some ppl dont realize that yet...
(BECKY is I said its great to be a Briarwood Lion...)
theres no excuse for that...erase the "is"

FACEBOOK STATUS 201 is next...i think u gotta sign up for a lab with that one too tho, check back wit me...

FACEBOOK STATUS 201

this note was prolly more anticipated than Drake's debut album...(not for real), ok let's get it

PREREQUISITE: FACEBOOK STATUS 101 & FACEBOOK STATUS 102 (a grade of "C" or better)

Now, some of you cannot continue reading because you havent passed the other two classes. I $+i.l.l s33 t00 M@NY <<>> b3ing w*r*i*T*T*e*n [lik3 +hi$]. If I see another one like that...ima just call you out right on ur page, that shyt needs to stop...

1. TOO dayum LONG

Aight...so recently, Facebook allowed unlimited space for your status. But that does not mean, your status needs to be infinitely long. Im not surprised tho, thats just like niggas, give em an inch and they gon take a FOOT...

this is not a space for you to drop ur freestyle and try to get signed, and if ur name isnt Martin Bradley, you prolly cant flow no dayum way...not one nicca has ever been signed to a deal off a facebook freestyle. Also, we do not need to hear about how ur going to put it on ur boyfriend when u get off work...(that falls under the "TOO MUCH INFO" category which was discussed in 101, i believe...)

I'll admit I had a couple of long statuses myself but...im funny, so my shyt was very welcome haha

2. Underage & ALCOHOL

IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 21, PPPLLEEEASSSEEEEE dont write a status about how you got FREAKIN WASTED at that party last night. WTF do you wanna go to jail?? You couldnt wait for TI to get out, u had to go see him NOW???

(Becky Doolittle [Oak Mountain Junior High '14] was drunk off my ass last night in Tuscaloosa, i had like 5 shots of tequila, i think i hooked up wit Julio Jones, awesome")

First off, get off facebook and get that Plan B. I think i speak for all ALABAMA fans when i say, we dont need ur father chasing after Julio wit a shotgun tryna ruin Alabama's football season...
Second, WTH are you talkin about drinkin for out in the open...thats not cool

And, this is off-topic, a lil, but if you are ANY AGE, u should not be taking pictures of you with ANY KIND OF ALCOHOL, unless u applyin for a job at ABC Beverages, why the hell would u do that??? People look at this shyt, or so ive heard...(maybe thats not true at all, iono, somebody let me know)

3. Drake Lyrics

Lemme preface this one, by saying Drake is the hottest rapper out right now, and ima be the first one in line getting the album when it comes out...

now with that said, i should not surf around Facebook and see FIVE different ppl (true story) with the status "ITS OK, ITS OK, ITS OK, ITS OK, U CAN RUN AND TELL UR FRIENDS THAT IM ON, IM ON, IM ON, BEST BELIEVE I UNDERSTAND"

I mean...dat boy good, but DAYUM...i think its the cool thing now to like Drake, i see ppl who used to be writing Boosie and Plies lyrics on the status, now u puttin up DRAKE??? If you stupid enuff to like Boosie, aint no way in all of hell that you like Drake too...

As I see more problems with statuses, I will adress them...report them to me if you see them

Facebook 220???


now that yall read, there are no more excuses for unacceptable facebook statuses. if you cant follow the rules, i have mark zuckerberg's permission to remove you from the site. have a wonderful day :).

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