Monday, May 3, 2010

Monday, May 3, 2010

Fear. We loathe it but yet we sometimes embrace it. I chose to talk about fear as a way to usher in writing/blogging again.

Fear can paralyze us from doing our greatest deeds and committing our deepest passions in life. The world of the unknown can hold back the blessings that God desires to give. I say this because I know it.

I can’t give a concrete fact on why I started blogging, I just did. I read so many others blogs on a daily basis, I just though I’d give it a shot. And I did and wanted to quit more than once. Why? Fear, plain and simple. Fear of no one wanting to listen to what I had to say. Fear of my blog being overshadowed and unknown. Fear of failing at such a simple thing as blogging. A lot of thought into something so little huh?

It’s what fear and especially jealousy and envy can do. Today I heard envy is basically resenting what God has blessed someone else with. That right there shut me up. After I set up Kabuki Queen my enjoyment for reading other blogs slowly became competition in my head. I’d question why they had so many followers, or such a great design or good topics. I started to forget what God had begun in me and an outlet of enjoyment became, well, not enjoyable. I stayed away from KabQueen and reading other blogs because I didn’t feel up to par with mine and reading others would only magnify what I wasn’t doing or felt that I couldn't do. Also adding to the fact that I was sulking in my current situation of being jobless, school-less and living with my parents again, no friends or boyfriend around.

I let my circumstances shape my attitude. I know this makes me sound so ugly, bitter and juvenile. But I’ve had a turning point. I’m not gonna promise a new Kabuki Queen. I’m gonna promise to be honest at all times, to share what’s on my mind whether you agree or don’t and most of all let this blog be a reflection of me, embracing me and loving me in spite of any circumstances. No fear.

For the readers who know I follow their blogs and to future readers whose blogs I’ll discover and start to follow: I support you a 110%. You’re expressing who you are and I applaud and admire it! We are our own community of people who want to share thoughts, feelings and whatever else comes to mind; to me it’s a beautiful thing. No jealousy, no envy. Just love and support.

So hopefully you understand where I’m coming from, if not well I feel better that I got it all out and that’s what counts. Whether you’re at work, home, Starbucks or wherever raise your water, coffee, drink or even food to being you with NO FEAR!

P.S. Thank you to all who have supported Kabuki Queen with comments or even just reading, I appreciate it, truly.