Tuesday, July 14, 2009

My Love Is Deeper, Tighter, Sweeter, Higher, Flyer...Didn't You Notice? Apprently Not.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

I had to quote my girl Jill Scott in the title, "My Love" is not only a great song but a song that I seem to share something in common with after this past Saturday.

I broke up with my ex a month ago. Needless to say I was happy. I no longer had to deal with the pains of a long distance relationship and got to enjoy the freedom of being single. I also came to a realization that I truly was not IN love with my boyfriend but I had love for him. He and I just saw things differently and the "honeymoon" phase couldn't last forever, there was too much difficulty for such a long distance.

You never want to hear about your ex finding a new love so soon after you. In the back of your mind you want to be the girl that he's tripping over, the girl he can't get over, the girl that no other girl will compare to. It boosts your ego, you know? Which is why I possibly have a problem with the following situation.

On Saturday my ex got married...yes the negro got married after a month of us being dunzo.

Wow, is all I could say.

Yes I didn't want to be with him but dang, really? We were together for 5 months...not long, but long enough to put in effort for 4 out of the 5 that the relationship was long distance relationship work...i.e. writing letters, going to their graduation ON your birthday (very hard pill to swallow). When I found out all I could say was congratulations. Of course I wasn't going to let him see the worst of me. Funny thing was he wasn't going to tell me, I forced it out of him after seeing his strange status on Facebook and prying him with questions about it until he admitted that he was indeed married.

But as I was talking to my friends and mom about the situation they helped me realize that yes my feelings are hurt but more of my pride is. I hate to be seen as a fool and in some ways I was because either two things could of happened. He was seeing her the whole time he was seeing me, or as soon as we were done he got with her. But married? I didn't see it coming.

I should have though. Because he expressed interest in marrying me, and me moving to where he's getting stationed (he's a Navy man) and starting a family. All of which I truly wasn't ready for.

After the initial stage of anger, I had to sit back and laugh. There seemed to be more to this man that I didn't know which was probably a blessing in disguise. But in it all, I know I deserve better and he was definitely not the best. I wish him all the best of luck and I hope he finds what he's looking for.

As for me, I'll just continue to be a better me. I won't wear my hurt on my face but I won't internalize it either. I'll deal with it now so that it won't become excess baggage. Situations and heartbreaks like these only help you become stronger. I can say that I've been through a lot but I won't become jaded, I'll become wiser.

I won't end this on my high horse BUT he'll never deny that my love was deeper, tighter, sweeter, higher, flyer...haha....ya'll get the point :)
Wow...just typing this has made me feel even better. Glad I could get personal with you KabQueens!