Thursday, December 18, 2008

I used to L-O-V-E him

Thursday, December 18, 2008
Lately I've been thinking about what my next steps in life will be. I always knew I wanted to be a doctor, maybe a counselor on the side, and fashion stylist for a little extra cake. But, as college draws to a close and these things become more real, I have come to the realization that I want more in life. The things I wanted are fine, but I want someone to share my experiences with. I'm tired of going through this long journey alone. I want a friend, beau, confidant, lover, boyfriend, hubby, companion. In battling this thought/feeling all of my goals have not been getting full attention: MAYDAY! I have resulted to guys that I know I have no future with, but are giving me the attention I want right now. Can I get a What What?! Um...don't follow this example it leads to emptiness and confusion.

Long story short, I started talking to one of my friends from way back (not a beau friend, and actual friend friend) and I knew he was not the one for me, but I didn't see any harm in just having him take me out (he is such the gentleman, why not?) One year later, I have feelings for him and I want him to be my man but he has priorities that precede me and so I always feel left out in the cold (not literally ladies, geez). I just want him to love me, right? Wrong! First off, if you know a man is not your husband from day one, stop trying to make him into your husband! Second, the areas that you two are not compatible in will never be compatible, so stop making big mountainous issues into molehills! And lastly, don't ever put a man before your dreams, whether he is someone you just have your eye on or he's your fiancee! You will so hate yourself for it later.

Luckily, I'm still pursuing my dreams and did not get too off track (thanks Lord). Instead of finding ways to communicate with him without actually calling his phone (I know yall know about this), how about redirecting that energy to something more useful like, I don't know, YOUR CAREER! God first, you second, man last = SUCCESS. Because lets face it, real men want what real women want: someone with a career, car, house, phone on, no kids, bills paid, and sexy-classy! Let's make sure that when a real man comes around he's not scared to fall in love bc he knows you're worth falling for. So, no longer will I be sidetracked by the spirit of "I used to love him", but I will tread ahead with the thought "I still love him, but I love me more!" (for my SATC fans, I believe Sam said this in the movie!)