I'm Still A Rockstar...

So as I was making the changes to the blog Pink's "So What" came up on my playlist. It's a fun song to rock out to but I actually started listening to it and realized it applied to me more than I thought.

Oh trust I'm not trying to start trouble or have me or my ex start a fight. But Pink is basically saying, "Look so what if you're gone, so what if you're lame...I'm still fabulous and even more fabulous since you've been gone."

Story of my life.

Since I left you last it seemed like every male relationship I once had or currently have just burst into flames. I had got so down and out about myself that it was showing in everything. Ladies, I know there always is always a small portion of us that wants to be validated at some point, especially by a guy (if you don't agree it's cool, but hey when it comes to me that's what it is). And when it seems like no one appreciates you, it just sucks!

But hold up!

I had to look at myself and literally say "I am worth it, and if he can't see it then there is obviously something wrong with him" and pretty much any other guy that can't see that. So...

So what, I don't need you

So what, I'm better without you anyway

So what, I still look TOO damn good

So what, it's you're loss player

So what, I'm alright and just fine

And so what, I'm still the sh*t b*tch!! *snaps in a circle 3 times*

Don't mean to be hostile, just had to make the point :). But here's a few videos just to make you feel good and know that if your in a similar situation, you're better without him. And fellas if you're feeling the same way, you're better without her!

Enjoy!

Just Live Your Life

In talking to my parentals this past Friday I realized that my life has succumbed to going out on the weekend (even if I didn't want to) just to say I did something exciting in my life. I expressed my concern to them that I didn't want to work and go to school all week just to sit in the house on the weekend resting, though, very tempting. Contrary to my feelings of "homebody-ness" I went out last night and all day today, which proved to be a good time. Let me take this opportunity to say that you should really start experiencing life in a different way everyday. Do something you've never done before, research places you always drive past but never go to, or out with people that you don't tend to go out with, just to keep things spicy and fresh. Note: this can be done at any age. Warning: this will make you feel forever young and often rejuvenated/refreshed.

Let me take this time to shed a little light on my current experience: I went to a club (all white, except for my friend and I) for one of my classmates bday party. When I got there, she wasn't there and we were the target black people for at least an hour...muy uncomfortable, so ready to leave but I had just paid 16 for parking, NOT EVEN! Despite my discomfort, we stuck it out and ended up making new party buddies, hooking up with my friend who was so happy to see me again, and we did it all...wait for it...SOBER, can you believe it! Talk about doing different stuff. You don't have to switch up everything, just do something you always do with a little twist. Point 2: today I went apple picking, drank cider (which I hated before today) and ate apple cinnamon donuts, and went to a petting zoo all while the weather switched from rainy/cloudy to sunny/rainy and back again. SIDEBAR: now ladies, how about you allow your hair to get wet once in your lifetime...it won't kill you, trust me and it is so liberating! And we're back: ended the night at my cousin's house watching an old 90s movie that I hadn't seen and am too embarrassed to even mention the name.

Not saying you have to do anything I've done on my list of random things, but find something out of the ordinary and JUST DO IT...one thing I absolutely agree with Nike on! Live life, no regrets!

Do You Boo

I must say I was surprised to see Solange go for the big chop, maybe with a little lining and brush it won't be so bad. But it made me think. She could give two bricks about what everyone else thinks...she's doing her. Can you blame her for it?

Which brings me to my next point. In a world with trendsetting divas, fashion icons and fads I feel that we can get lost. Fashion and society say no to wearing this but yes to wearing that. I feel that style does make a statement as to who you are. You like wearing sweats most of the time? Then you're a laid back kinda gal. Heels just to go to the store? You like to keep it fierce. And there is truly nothing wrong with it. Ladies we can't loose who we are just because "they" say it's not hot. We can keep up with trends and make it our label.

Now don't get me wrong there are some fashion tragedies, you know you can tell when someone didn't look in the mirror before they left the house. And sometimes personal style needs a little tweaking (i.e. What Not To Wear...love that show!).But even when you see that girl rocking plaid tights in the dead heat of summer, if she's walking with her head held high, rocking it like it was on the front page of Italian Vogue, well then I give her my props. She's comfortable in her own skin and that's what truly matters.

So my tip for the day....do you boo. Don't pay attention to what he or she says. Confidence surpasses Chanel....feel me?

My Love Is Deeper, Tighter, Sweeter, Higher, Flyer...Didn't You Notice? Apprently Not.

I had to quote my girl Jill Scott in the title, "My Love" is not only a great song but a song that I seem to share something in common with after this past Saturday.

I broke up with my ex a month ago. Needless to say I was happy. I no longer had to deal with the pains of a long distance relationship and got to enjoy the freedom of being single. I also came to a realization that I truly was not IN love with my boyfriend but I had love for him. He and I just saw things differently and the "honeymoon" phase couldn't last forever, there was too much difficulty for such a long distance.

You never want to hear about your ex finding a new love so soon after you. In the back of your mind you want to be the girl that he's tripping over, the girl he can't get over, the girl that no other girl will compare to. It boosts your ego, you know? Which is why I possibly have a problem with the following situation.

On Saturday my ex got married...yes the negro got married after a month of us being dunzo.

Wow, is all I could say.

Yes I didn't want to be with him but dang, really? We were together for 5 months...not long, but long enough to put in effort for 4 out of the 5 that the relationship was long distance relationship work...i.e. writing letters, going to their graduation ON your birthday (very hard pill to swallow). When I found out all I could say was congratulations. Of course I wasn't going to let him see the worst of me. Funny thing was he wasn't going to tell me, I forced it out of him after seeing his strange status on Facebook and prying him with questions about it until he admitted that he was indeed married.

But as I was talking to my friends and mom about the situation they helped me realize that yes my feelings are hurt but more of my pride is. I hate to be seen as a fool and in some ways I was because either two things could of happened. He was seeing her the whole time he was seeing me, or as soon as we were done he got with her. But married? I didn't see it coming.

I should have though. Because he expressed interest in marrying me, and me moving to where he's getting stationed (he's a Navy man) and starting a family. All of which I truly wasn't ready for.

After the initial stage of anger, I had to sit back and laugh. There seemed to be more to this man that I didn't know which was probably a blessing in disguise. But in it all, I know I deserve better and he was definitely not the best. I wish him all the best of luck and I hope he finds what he's looking for.

As for me, I'll just continue to be a better me. I won't wear my hurt on my face but I won't internalize it either. I'll deal with it now so that it won't become excess baggage. Situations and heartbreaks like these only help you become stronger. I can say that I've been through a lot but I won't become jaded, I'll become wiser.

I won't end this on my high horse BUT he'll never deny that my love was deeper, tighter, sweeter, higher, flyer...haha....ya'll get the point :)

Wow...just typing this has made me feel even better. Glad I could get personal with you KabQueens!

She's back!

i know i've been ghost, but thx so much for all of you supporting the efforts of my divalicious partner in the game...fab e! you all have truly been a blessing.

just to share a little of what's held my attention for the past eon: been seeing this new older guy that i've been crushing on. does anyone feel me when i say he was all types of wrong for me, but i pursued it anyway...leaving myself emotionally drained and psychologically stressed. i was dealing with some insecurities about being younger and less experienced, but as time will have it we are working through our issues and taking it one day at a time. i tried not to bash the whole male population on this post, which is why it took me so long to get on here (shout out to our male followers).

i'll leave you with a few words of wisdom, though: not all men are dogs; cherish the ones that treat you as the queen you are and leave the doggish-ness by the garage for trash day. love to all ;)

Using Every Minute I Got

Happy Monday KabQueens!

For some it's the start of a new week to get things moving and for others it's just a drag...today I'm guilty of both.

Hearing that alarm go off at 6:00am can be such a downer, but I remember that God gave me life again and it doesn't seem so bad. I still had a rough start this morning trying to get the ball rolling but still dragging my feet. When I got to my work and sat at my desk, it hit me.

I started reflecting on a conversation I had with Ms. Nels (who came to visit this weekend and had a fantabulous time!). Sometimes I forget that we are truly in our prime and this is the time to make our dreams happen. Both of us are very lucky to know people who are pursing their passions of music, art, fitness and making a name for themselves in the St. Louis community. But we had to realize that their dreams and their ambitions aren't necessarily ours. You know sometimes if you go to a great boutique or art store, and see the owner who might be around your age, happy with everything that they've accomplished and you think to yourself, "I can do that". Well I’m sure you could, but is it for you?

God blesses people with certain talents and passions. In what may seem easy in our eyes may not be in the eyes of the person we may be envy of. Think about it, you don't know what it took for them to get to that point, and it may very well be something that you would not be able to handle. Instead of becoming jealous of what other people have or "coveting over someone else's blessings", continue to support them and their efforts, and while you’re doing that, God will bless you with your own.

If your in the midst of finding your creativity, the things that make you tick (in a good way), or your passions, start trying new things that YOU want to do, regardless of what people may say. Use every minute you have to pursue your dreams and to find your niche in life, whatever it may be.

Don't waste another minute, get out there and do what you have to do until you don't have any minutes left.

Every girl should own them

I'm talking about PEARLS! I have a confession to make...I wear my obnoxiously enormous pink pearl earrings every single day! Pearls are so timeless; if you don't own them, I suggest you get with it and bring the true queen out that's been dying to come forth!
Just as timeless/priceless pearls are, thus are women. We need to take time out to celebrate our inner pearl (true beauty); learn how to pamper and appreciate yourself. I had to learn this recently. Men are amazing, but we have to learn that they do not measure our beauty. As women, we have to learn how to reflect on the outside, what is on our inside. Don't just be a pretty face any longer.

I suggest choosing a random Tuesday once a month to spend with yourself. Start off at the spa, grab a sexy addition to your closet out at Macys, do lunch downtown with a glass of champagne, hit up a matinee, take a drive on the lakefront, whatever you choose, make it all about you. Forward your calls, emails, all technology to love on yourself. You'll feel so much better after!

Keep Moving Forward

Even though I'm in my 20's I'm a sucker for a good Disney movie. They're barely for kids anymore with most of the dialogue that's going on. One recent movie has stuck out and has become a classic in my collection. If you haven't seen "Meet the Robinsons" I suggest you do. The plot surrounds a boy who loves making inventions; makes a time machine that takes him to the future and well...you get the point. What I love most about the movie is the motto, "Keep moving forward". No matter how many times this boy's inventions failed he continued to keep it moving until one day, he got it right.


Much of what happened in the movie can be related to our lives. I'm always inspired to try new things (like blogging!) and sometimes fear of failure gets in the way, it happens to all of us. I'm not sure where you ladies are at in your lives but if there is anything holding you back from doing what you want to do because of what "might happen", clear it out your mind and keep moving forward. At some point we're going to make mistakes, fall, get set back, but it's during those times where the motivation is needed most. Things are always easier when they're going great, but if there's a goal, dream or something that you’re striving for it requires dedication.


So I wanted to leave you with an encouraging post to tell you to not to get discouraged and that anything and I mean anything is possibly as long as you what?......


KEEP MOVING FORWARD!

And most of all, don't look behind.


Got any words of wisdom to keep moving forward, don't be afraid to share!

A Girl's BFF

Quote of the week: "No gold digging for me...I take diamonds." -- Mae West

I want to talk to all the ladies that have their own. Skip independency, that's getting a bad rep. For all the women that have a man, but still have your own supply without him...this is dedicated to you. As I passed a beautiful condo building downtown, I started hoping, dreaming, and wishing that I could have it. Then I started thinking about the kinda truck I want to be pushing in the new year. Hmm...then I thought, why don't I have a new wardrobe. The "why don'ts" get endless, and before you know it you've wished your way right into depression! Wrong answer! I am too young to already be feeling sorry for myself, not even!

I went to church today and Pastor happened to be talking about prosperity and riches. He always talks about possessing your inheritance, but today I heard something different. If everything on this earth belongs to my Father and I'm an heir, I am entitled to everything as well. Am I preaching to someone out there?! I came to find out that the condo is mine, the truck is mine, and the new wardrobe is as well (so attainable). I have been keeping myself from the promises of God for long enough. I am claiming it in Jesus' name! Who says I'm too young and poor to have it, bc they are nothing but dead air! I'm moving on up. Don't tell me what it looks like, tell me what God says about it!

So, what does this have to do with the "got her own" queens, you might ask. Watch this! Instead of getting jealous everytime I see a fellow queen drive by in a PINK Range, I should be using that as confirmation that God takes care of us all. If we ask according to His word and believe we have received, it's ours. And what better confirmation than someone the same age, with the same degree, and job, who's pushing a Lex? No longer will I be jealous, but motivated to speak those things and take hold of my inheritance! Thank you KQs for holding it down and making room for me at the TOP!

I used to L-O-V-E him

Lately I've been thinking about what my next steps in life will be. I always knew I wanted to be a doctor, maybe a counselor on the side, and fashion stylist for a little extra cake. But, as college draws to a close and these things become more real, I have come to the realization that I want more in life. The things I wanted are fine, but I want someone to share my experiences with. I'm tired of going through this long journey alone. I want a friend, beau, confidant, lover, boyfriend, hubby, companion. In battling this thought/feeling all of my goals have not been getting full attention: MAYDAY! I have resulted to guys that I know I have no future with, but are giving me the attention I want right now. Can I get a What What?! Um...don't follow this example it leads to emptiness and confusion.

Long story short, I started talking to one of my friends from way back (not a beau friend, and actual friend friend) and I knew he was not the one for me, but I didn't see any harm in just having him take me out (he is such the gentleman, why not?) One year later, I have feelings for him and I want him to be my man but he has priorities that precede me and so I always feel left out in the cold (not literally ladies, geez). I just want him to love me, right? Wrong! First off, if you know a man is not your husband from day one, stop trying to make him into your husband! Second, the areas that you two are not compatible in will never be compatible, so stop making big mountainous issues into molehills! And lastly, don't ever put a man before your dreams, whether he is someone you just have your eye on or he's your fiancee! You will so hate yourself for it later.

Luckily, I'm still pursuing my dreams and did not get too off track (thanks Lord). Instead of finding ways to communicate with him without actually calling his phone (I know yall know about this), how about redirecting that energy to something more useful like, I don't know, YOUR CAREER! God first, you second, man last = SUCCESS. Because lets face it, real men want what real women want: someone with a career, car, house, phone on, no kids, bills paid, and sexy-classy! Let's make sure that when a real man comes around he's not scared to fall in love bc he knows you're worth falling for. So, no longer will I be sidetracked by the spirit of "I used to love him", but I will tread ahead with the thought "I still love him, but I love me more!" (for my SATC fans, I believe Sam said this in the movie!)

The Things One Should Always Do...

I think i'm on a posting high...someone bring me down!! But here's some food for thought. Enjoy!

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Talk to God about what is going on in your life. Buy a lock if you have to.

3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement,

My purpose is to __________ today. I am thankful for______________'

4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli , almonds & walnuts.

6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.


7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control.

Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

9. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

12. You are not so important that you have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

13. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

14. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?' (And

17. Forgive everyone for everything.

18. What other people think of you is none of your business.

19. GOD heals everything - but you have to ask Him.

20. However good o r bad a situation is, it will change.

21. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch!

22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

23. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements:

I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.

24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

25. When you are feeling down, start listing your many blessings. you'll be smiling before you know it.



Any words of wisdom to share? Then please do! Be blessed :)

A Woman's Worth

Lately my friends and I have been discussing male/female relationships. How wack guys can be...how ho-ish girls can be and have even been reading posts about the topics from a facebook friend who writes some pretty insightful notes. So all these discussions led me to the thought of how do we truly value our self-worth?

This past Tuesday I was watching one of my addictions, "The Bad Girls Club". Two of the females were talking about being the best looking in their cities, how wherever they go they always attract men. I can't remember word for word what one of them said but she basically stated that she doesn't feel good unless a man tries to talk to her or compliments her.

Hold the pumps! Say what??

This girl only felt validation if she was the center of a man's attention. Have we come to this point as women? I sincerely hope not. I think it's safe to say all of us at one point have gone to the mall and picked out an outfit because you knew you wanted to catch someone’s eye. Whether you wanted to chi-chis to be out or for those pants to make your butt look a little bigger. We're all guilty of it but the point is not to get hung up on it. Compliments and attention are always nice and sure we always love to get them but do we really feed off that? Feed off you telling yourself you look "that freakin' good!" When people say confidence starts within its true.

Think about this...God created you. The same God who created the heavens and earth put his stamp on you. So why not love and cherish yourself? If our beauty was defined by men then shoot we'd all be ugly! Different men have different taste but does that need to matter to us. We know we got it going on and if the next guy doesn't see that than screw him! Not literally of course. God created you a little lower than his angels, therefore chica, you are worth so much more!

And if you start to feel a little down because that cutie didn't talk to you all night, remember this,

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.Psalm 139:13-15"

Have a kab day!

Women helping Women

Hey ladies,

It's been a long time, I shouldn'tve left you...without a deep thought to think through (thanks for the dope beat Tim, lol). Lately I've been pondering, which I often do, about the downfall of the world and the opportunities lost because of selfishness. I wonder what would happen if one woman became president of the United States of America...would she put a system in place that would allow other women to grab hold of the blueprint (cheetah-print is a little more stylish) and make such a thing commonplace? Why is it that women seem to be only looking out for themselves? Is it a crime to help a young sister out when she needs a boost?

I have been thinking on what I will do with my future and came across a program that is designed to help young Afro-American aspiring doctors become just that...but there's a twist: those that come through the program serve as the mentors for those coming up behind them in the same program. It doesn't stop there! Those actually in the program are required to mentor college students who are looking to get into such a program; the college students do the same with the hs students, and those to the grade school kids; so that everyone is being helped/prepared for what they will yet achieve one day. Can you imagine if women just did this without a program in place? What would the world be like? Wouldn't we be ultimately taking over!

Women are the majority, so why is not our voice louder, bolder, stronger...heard? What are we doing to make a better life for ourselves and for the next generation of women? Therefore I ask you, "Are you doing your part?" If not, why not? An even better question, "When?"