Let it Go, Let it Go...

I am so close to making this blog into a sisters empowering sisters type joint. I am fed up with hearing stories of women selling themselves short and settling for much less than they deserve. The culprit: self-hate. I promise I will go back to fashion after this post, but this needs to be said. I refuse to scold you all because low self-esteem is not everyone's issue; however, I will let you into a little of my story in hopes that someone will find solace in knowing they are not alone.

Listen, we all want to believe that we are the reason a man will just wake up and want to be a better man, but the reality is that what you see is ultimately what you will get. He may grow up as he ages, but as my good friend likes to say, "We will only become the best of who we are," translation: we will never be so different that we are no longer ourselves. You cannot will yourself to be someone else (since when has that ever been successful for anyone?). You will always be you. And the sooner you learn to be content with that fact and change the things about you that you can and leave the rest, the better off you will be.

Men like confident women. I don't care what you have seen and what you have heard. All the bs about men liking submissive women without a voice is just that, bs. Men like a challenge; they do not like passive women who will just roll over and play dead. Granted, they are annoyed by women who are never satisfied, i.e. "have an attitude", but who isn't? You have to come to a place in you where you deal with your dissatisfaction with life in the confinements of your own home. Everyone has it rough out here, so no one will have sympathy for your sob story because we are all struggling. So, whatever it is that you are dealing with that makes you seem attitudinal to most, you either need to sit this one out and stay in the house to pout, or put on "face" and leave that drama locked up in your room.

Now, I said I would share a little about myself here, but really I will just mention that in doing some soul searching as I spend time away from the states - my comfort zone - I have found the patterns in my dating life that are truly alarming. I have dated nice guys, and not just any ol nice guys but men I would have actually married. The problem was that I did not have any standards set for the type of guy that I would settle down with. And I did not stay single long enough to trust God to bring me the man He had for me. I found myself in "comfortable" situations that did not challenge me to grow as a person or in my relationship with God. I settled on these guys because I found security there; they were safe, they were void fillers until the next best thing came along. They were idols in my life. And even as I type this know that I still struggle in this area. However, I am learning that God cares about me enough to not make the mistake of marrying the wrong person; His grace has let me only go so far until He reels me back in, bringing me back to the place where He shows me that He is more than enough.

Trust Him one more time and leave the guy you have built your life around because when you look up, you'll realize that the person you once judged (e.g., the live-in girlfriend), is the person you have become. And marriage is no longer an option. Hear me when I say, "You are not the exception." Set your standard and stick to it so that guys will have no problem respecting it. Do not be wishy-washy in your stance because it only causes confusion and creates opportunity for your partner to take advantage of your inconsistency. I love you all and do not want to see anyone else fail in this thing called love. Learn to love you so when you go out in the streets, people will be attracted to you for that reason alone.
Sincerely,

Your Fellow Single Sister Nel

Springy

I won't say much other than greetings from Malaysia! I'll let the clothes speak for themselves...too excited for spring (the best season of all)...with influences from 3 different cultures: American, Malaysian, and Chinese! From the runway to the street, there is something for us all :)

Bringing in the NY right! #TeaTime

I know I haven't really been writing about fashion lately, but I am in such a different and exciting season of life that I feel the need to put on paper. I am going to be transparent for a second and show utter appreciation for the women in my life. I was anxious about coming home to Chicago for break because I always feel so far removed from the lives of everyone I left here when I went away to school, but today just proved that I am still very much a part of my girlfriends' lives. Many people tend to hang onto relationships with the opposite sex because of the need to not feel loneliness; I know I have been struggling with that for a little bit now. But the lesson that I learned today is that God gives us friends/sisters/cousins to talk to, to have tea with, to cry, laugh, joke, smile, commune with; like the motto of Cotton: "they are the fabrics of our lives!" I truly appreciate each and every one that participated in making me smile today; thank you for showing me that I am enough - all by myself! Thank you Stacy, Shonda, Rio, Janolby, Lauren, Nicole, Nitchka; you all are valued as gems in my life and I am ever grateful - easily the luckiest girl around ;)

Dwayne Coleman - Zion

change.

i have everything and nothing to say at the same time! i came to a place that usually arrives after an epiphany or a good "talking to", but this actually came to mind randomly a little while ago. the only one to determine your fate is you. if you don't like the way you have gained weight over the holidays (that aren't even here yet), lose it. if you are beating yourself up about liking someone you shouldn't, either stop liking them or talk to them about it (they may actually like you back). if you are physically tired all the time, go to bed, eat your fruits and veggies, and get a daily workout in. if you want money, work. anything you want to do, you can. everything takes an initial making up of your mind and the will to do, but after that part, just start. if you fail, you have the basis for not continuing, but if you never start you'll always wonder, and that is so much worse! the root of all of these thoughts not backed by actions are fear, which is my biggest nemesis. as i go on this journey to defeat it once and for all, i'll leave you with this word that i have come back to time and time again:

25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:25, 34

Untitled

I have written this post in my head so many times over the last few weeks, but nothing felt noteworthy enough. I think it is because it is such a vulnerable position from which to come. Transparency is not my strong suit, though I feel like my life has been broadcasted because of the accessibility of social media these days. Where do I begin...hmm. Very often I feel like I do not offer much to the world, that I am not different enough, not good enough in one particular thing or another and that I will just fade to the background as simply a memory for one. My reality battles my destiny in my mind on almost a daily basis. Knowing that God says otherwise for my life and sees me with different eyes, I am crazy enough to somewhat believe that He will get His glory and His purposes will be fulfilled. Now, does that mean that my name will flash across a television screen or my face will be in the latest fashion magazine, or even that I will be recognized for my impact on the world after death...absolutely not, which therein lies the struggle. Something inside me wants to be recognized and remembered throughout this lifetime and into my death. How hard is it to do that, though? It is not like you can readily have conversations with the people that changed the world so let me encourage you to be that person; step your "cookies" up and grind towards the top. When you get there don't forget the feeling you felt, reach out to the next generation "YOU" and be a help...

That moment when you feel like your life is so minute in the grand scheme of things and it doesn't really matter what you do, remember that His plan is good and promises your success. Hang onto hope, you'll get there, and don't forget to let your hair down, spend time alone, and laugh once a day...Dr.'s orders ;)

Getting to Know Me

As of recently, I have been shown my purpose in life. I am learning to surrender to a Power higher than my own, a voice wiser than mine, and a Being far greater. There are several road bumps that have come up that I have learned to address and move on without stressing or worrying about them. I have cooked, cleaned, traveled, shopped, exercised, socialized, and meditated to come to a place of inner peace. But what I find rest in is the fact that Someone mightier than I is in control of my life and knows exactly where I am at all times and even where I am headed. Not only where I am headed, but that it is 'good.'

I am sought after, favored, adored. I have been beautifully crafted and artistically handmade. I look in the mirror and do not see what my Maker sees, and until now, have not appreciated my reflection. But every once in a while I remember that I am one-of-a-kind and Someone else knows it! With that said, I like what I see. It makes me, me! So let this be an encouragement to you...take a second look :)